How Old Would You Be If You Didn't Know How Old You Were?

I saw this question on a greeting card the other day and it got me thinking.

Would I go back to my childhood? Being a child is great. No responsibility, just endless days of fun. Hmm, tempting.

Would I be a teenager again? No way. Too much angst, too much insecurity, too many nights of quiet desperation.





 
In my 20's? They were fun and I thought I knew everything, but looking back, I really didn't.

My 30's? Just as much fun but feeling much more secure.

40's? Not doing that again! I lost myself in my 40's. Suddenly I was a wife and mother as well as a daughter, a sister, a cousin, a best friend. Where did I go? Who was this person who spent so much time looking after others that she forgot to look after herself? Where did the person I thought I was disappear to? The one who loved travelling, and speaking languages, and dancing, and horseriding, and ski-ing and adventure. How did she let herself get buried under the mound of responsibility?

50's? Okay, so my 50's have just started, and let me tell you, they've started well. But would I choose to be here and be this me?

60's plus? Realistically, at the age of 50, I'd rather take years off than put them on.

The more I ponder the age thing, the more complicated it gets. If I go back to my childhood, can I stay there? Or do I then have to grow up and relive the whole teenage angst thing, the 25th birthday when I thought my life was over because I was a quarter of a century old, the painful breakup of a relationship, a first marriage.

And then I think, if I didn't know how old I was, then I wouldn't have had all these experiences to colour my judgement. And if I hadn't lived this life that makes me ME, then how would I decide which age to be?

Arghhhhh! My head hurts.

Suddenly the thought of the womb is tempting. Space to myself. A space to stretch and grow and move around. Dance if I want to. A comfy bed. Nourishment on tap. Peace and quiet. No-one bothering me. Plenty of time for quiet contemplation.

Is it cheating to go to a minus age?

On the other hand, I could forget the age thing and book a spa holiday. Space to myself. A space to stretch and grow and move around. Dance if I want to. A comfy bed. Nourishment on tap. Peace and quiet. No-one bothering me. Plenty of time for quiet contemplation. 

Now, that's more like it!